she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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