his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
