i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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