omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
