I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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