Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
