Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
