Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
