stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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