i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
