There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
