pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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