i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
