If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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