careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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