walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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