I just threw up on my dentist
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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