btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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