The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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