you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
