She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
