If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
