Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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