How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
