Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
