Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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