Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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