i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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