so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
