Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
