i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
