I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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