Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize