just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
