I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
