I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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