Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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