fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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