In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
