she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
