Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
