who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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