I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize