Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
