Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
