I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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