You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
