I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
