Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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