that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I CAN MOONWALK!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
