Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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