last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
