if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
