So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
