I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
