is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
