Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
