your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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