sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
