Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
