this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
