I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
