I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
