You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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