dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
