I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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