So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
