The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
