you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
