i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
