I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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